Struggling with Art - Painting Sakura

Painting is not always fun. In fact, in most of time, painting is all about experiment, struggle, and depression (and sometimes a little bit of delight).
At this time like this, I feel how I can ever recognize myself as an artist, or why I decided to become an artist in the first place.

In front of this canvas, I had a full of ideas for colors and concept.
My planned motif for this time was (is?) Sakura, cherry blossom.
This is common motif for Japanese artist since Japanese love cherry blossom in spring from long ago. I am not a exception and so I tried to depict Sakura. Actually this is my third try to paint it.
However, painting Sakura is not easy for me. I am not drawing it representative way; I want to grasp the air of spring by depicting Sakura petals dancing in the wind.

All the effort I put in so far was in vain. On the canvas, all the pink and pale blue and brown paints are just scattered without any harmony. They are just breaking out here and there and I have no control on them. There is nothing worth I can show you today.
So I left the studio earlier yesterday. I will leave the painting until I can see it calmly and realize what to do with it.