An Artist's Confession

I am in stuck.
My chrysanthemum painting is not going well.
I think I have tried many colors and touches, but nothing seems right.
Cannot see the blueprint of the finished work.

When my painting is clogging up, I regret that I am a painter.
I do not know why I chose such a profession.
Maybe I should have quit and given up somewhere in my life; when I started to work as a graphic designer after college, or when I came home from three years art study in the U.S. or when I started my second job for my living, or when I married. Sigh...I could have make any excuses to quit.
Why do I continue to paint? I do not know, but this is the only thing that I continued in my life. But it is not enough reason.
Do I like to paint in the first place? Yes and No. When I can paint well, I like to paint, and if somebody buys it, I am in bliss. I feel my identity is truly an artist, nothing else. But when my painting is poor after many trials, I feel that I wasted my time and lose the meaning what I am doing.


One month passed since the earthquake and tsunami hit my country.
Aftershocks are still happening in east Japan and number of people are working at nuclear power plant at risk of their lives.
We are looking for hope.